There's No Place Like Home

The Calais jungle is now home to more than 6,000 people. Here's just one. There's No Place Like Home

A man stands amidst his washing next to a board showing the alphabet, a set of chairs, and his home. April 2015. Each small detail of this photograph tells a bit more of the story. From the storing of toothbrushes upon the roof, to the shoes below the table. Who else lives with him? Family? Friends? Strangers united only by their common goal: to survive? I travelled to Calais with my mum as part of a recent project. Before we knew it we had driven into what is now being called the 'Calais Jungle'. Scenes of tents, football games, and groups with shopping trolleys surrounded us. As we slowed past this accommodation I managed to snap a few pictures. I felt helpless to the residents here. The reality that we were 'spectating' them with nothing to give became all too real and we left shortly after this photograph was taken. I'm hoping I help by sharing this image; I don't want this to be just a personal project. I'm hoping I help show just a snapshot of what it is like in Calais. Something that I still struggle with is the idea that what we witnessed, what's shown in this photo, is better than where they've fled from. 

A Year for Adventure and Discovery!

// 2016 // is here and I am so excited!  I'm excited for the adventures we will all stumble across, the opportunities we will embrace, the journeys we will travel. I'm excited for the paths which will cross, the connections that will be made, and the love that will be felt! Ah!
How do you feel about 'New Year Resolutions'? They are popular tradition in the UK: setting fresh new goals with the 'clean slate' that a new year brings.  I'm not too keen. The past few years I have set 'learn to play guitar' as one of my resolutions, and never succeeded. In 2015 I didn't set any goals, and on September, 27, 2015 I started to learn guitar. I could play over 20 songs before the year was up. Ironic, really.
So, rather than set yourself up for failure, why not get creative? This year my idea is to have an Adventure List. Some things already on my list are: || Hire a metal detector and use it on a beach || Go on a road trip || Walk to nowhere in particular || I'm thinking of creating a tab here on this site for my Adventure List. At the moment the list is very short. I don't want to overwhelm myself.
What are some of the things you'd like to do in 2016? Comment below, I'd love to know! Maybe I'd even like to do the same!
I've added my Instagram feed to the side of my blog, I've sort of started blogging on there too, adventure memories!
Happy New Year!
God bless, Amy

Penguins and Joy... :)

I've just finished reading Girl Online On Tour. It's taken less than a day to finish and I loved every second of it. I read a post on Facebook yesterday afternoon, let me see if I can find it for you...

I immediately felt the urge to dig out the book, which I'd put under my bed until I had more time, and started to read. Instantly that feeling of being absorbed in a book came running back to me. I hadn't realised quite how much I'd missed it.  Starting the internship I knew I'd get books to read. What I didn't quite appreciate is how exhausting I would find the content. I began to feel that I'd fallen out of love with reading.  I was so wrong. Choosing to read, choosing to take time out, choosing to do something for me. None of that comes naturally to me. I'm one of those "can't-say-'no'-to-requests-for-help" kinda people. Do I feel guilty for self-indulging when I still need to do so much in preparation for this weekend? Not really. Do I wish I'd spent my time more wisely? I don't think so. Truth is, taking some time out to do what I wanted gave me a big reminder of what I love doing. I love reading, I love writing, I love processing, I love creativity. I thrive from creativity. Perhaps that's what I've been missing recently. It's a crucial element of my life that I cut out in an attempt to make room for what needed to be done when actually I just did the opposite. A big boost for me these past few weeks has been getting together with a couple of close friends to plan some amazing birthday surprises for one of our mutual close friends. Hours spent on Pinterest, Planning, Shopping, Creating. I've been in my element. Someone once told me that 'you can't truly look after others continually unless you look after yourself'. It's true. And sometimes you can mix them together. The birthday surprises helped me to regain a passion for creativity whilst helping a friend to feel loved and appreciated! It would seem that true happiness, true joy, comes from a place where you know you're loved and you love yourself. I know I'm loved by the One. I'm talking the 'one true love' that you think only happens in movies. The One that gives life to your body, the One that loves you no matter what, the One who's only aim is to save you. The One that you can't stop talking about even when you don't realise you're doing it. We laughed together this Summer. For 2 hours. I literally didn't stop, neither did He. And in that moment I knew that's where I wanted to be. In that moment I took it all in, to remember when times are more difficult. To remember when we're crying, to remember when I'm stressed. You see, He doesn't get stressed, but He understands it. He doesn't hold a grudge, but He waits patiently when I do. He doesn't ever leave my side, He doesn't ever stop protecting me, but He gives me space. He knows me better than I know myself. I think I want joy to become my favourite emotion. All too often we can fall into a series of feeling sad and receiving some form of love in that sad place and then we feel a little bit better. Bare with me, I'm not too sure where this is going either. At least we got to hear the words 'I love you' even if we did hit rock bottom first. But truly, truly, truly, is that where I want to be? No. I'm so happy to lift people up, to help them out, to hold their hand. For me, I'm a stage where I'm striving for joy. Truth is, it's been there all along, I've just got to let it show. I saw a video on Facebook of a penguin being tickled and everyone knew for sure that it gave Cookie, the name of the penguin, a moment of joy. I'm a little obsessed with penguins. They make me smile. And here's how to make one of these little fellas happy...

In summary, I want to be more like this penguin. Show my happiness, laugh out loud, and release the chains. Laughter is the best medicine, so I've been told. "Free as a bird on the wind,  Love cannot be tamed, You shattered every chain, Let our praises run wild and free, The lionheart is alive in me, Let our freedom and joy begin, With You we're dancing upon our chains, With You we're soaring on eagles wings." In case you were wondering who I'd fallen in love with... His name is Jesus.

What's So Amazing About Grace?

What's So Amazing About Grace?

Book by Phillip Yancey.

What's so amazing about grace? Everything. 

Small confession: I still haven't quite finished the book.

When I first began reading I found I couldn't get beyond the 7th chapter. I love to read and do so regularly, but for some reason I couldn't get into this book. One Saturday afternoon I was discussing this with the pastor of the church I intern for, who suggested I prayed about what it was that was holding me back. As soon as I began praying, God highlighted the word "forgiveness" to me over 5 times on the next page. So I prayed a little more. (I'm not one to pray for excessive amounts of time). A name was highlighted to me, representing a friendship I have that I really struggle with regarding forgiveness and grace. As a result of this, I have begun intentionally working on this friendship to overcome the struggle whilst growing as a person. 

What was next highlighted to me was very small. I had gotten into the habit of reading at night, and falling asleep mid-sentence, waking up to find my phone in my hand with the Kindle app still open. I always found my eyes getting tired, so I downloaded the audio book.

During listening to the next few chapters God highlighted another of my characteristics which struggles with grace: my passion for fairness and justice. Ever since I could talk and play with friends I have always strived to be 'fair'. If we were taking something in turns I would ensure everyone got their own turn, and be hurt when others didn't ensure I got my fair turn. My mum has told me so many stories of moments like this. So, I struggle with the idea that grace is totally unfair. Yet totally fair. As I read (or listen!) more I am developing this thought; realising that the grace I have received by Christ's death on the cross is totally unfair and totally undeserved; I sin every single day: I will continue to sin. Yet God still longs to spend time with me. To be with His daughter. He loves me eternally and doesn't hold grudges. The idea of myself treating a human, any human, in the same way is beside me. But it's warming to me.

I have come to realise that the entire Gospel would not be the same without grace. Grace is amazing and grace is everything. From graces comes love and from love comes grace. It's a never-ending and beautiful cycle. 

At the moment the majority of my Facebook newsfeed is filled with Christian posts. I have begun viewing these with new eyes. Posts that are about grace stand out so much more. These are ones that are more out of context and, there, counter-grace - these I am able to filter, to pray over and to find out where I stand.

Grace is beautiful, unfair, undeserved, hard, rewarding. Grace doesn't keep track of wrongdoing. Grace is amazing.

What's so amazing about grace? Everything.

Worship Mash Up

My next post was going to be a set list of worship songs that I felt led to writing down and referencing. I meditated in the presence of God and felt a wave of peace over me with songs playing in my heart. I went to find this list with my bible notes today and it's not to be seen. After further thought and silent prayer I feel I am not meant to share that with you, for now anyway. Instead I've got something a little more creative. I was scrolling through Facebook to find out what my friends had been up to and I stumbled across a mash up, from 'Us - The Duo', of 2014 hits. This got me wondering if there were any worship mash ups out there. To my surprise there are loads. I mean LOADS. The first one that I would like to share with you is a worship medley posted by Terry McCaskill. Himself, his brother and their niece  Worship Medley!

*I do not own any of the content I am sharing* The next one was a medley that I put together with three friends: Emma, Beth and Sarah. Emma and myself chose the songs and worked out an order for them to work acoustically. We ran out of time over our weekend away to record our own sound - maybe one day! So Beth, Sarah and myself mashed together Rend Collective's tracks and put some videos over the top - showing joy, joy and more joy. Rend Mash Up:

Video copyright - AW + Friends. Music copyright - relevant Rend associates. Have you ever tried to mash up two or more songs? How did it go?

It's a personal thing...

As part of my intern year I am being given a variety of podcasts to watch and books to read. I completed watching my first podcast this morning. The title of the message was 'Personal Pilgrimage'. My initial reaction to the title, coupled with being from 1985 when video quality was questionable, was that of 'oh dear, what have I gotten myself into?' Little did I know that from the message would come notes, thoughts and a song which would shape my life in some way. The preacher, John Wimber, has a very interesting testimony to tell. In brief, he grew up with little or no connection to the church whatsoever. One evening he found God when he prayed out to Him about a situation with his wife, and God responded instantly. This planted a seed for John that God was real and wanted to work in John's life to make it a better place to live. John speaks about various incidents that happen as a result of finding Jesus away from the church. He doesn't know about the Bible, he doesn't know why people speak the way they do at church, he didn't even know that when he asked God for help that it was called 'prayer'. The most intriguing part of his testimony, for me, is that he found God on his own. It was a personal thing straight away. So often kids are brought up in churches learning about Jesus, about God, being talked at about Noah and his arc, Jonah and his whale (or 'big fish'), Adam and Eve. But they aren't brought up knowing about GRACE, about God's personal relationship with them. They are told that they are unique but they're not told that their relationship with God is unique also. These are quite sweeping statements, I admit. I have visited churches where it is quite the opposite. Where small children are hearing messages from God that are for their friends. We speak so much about having a child-like faith, yet lots of churches fail to fuel that faith in children.  I speak from the experience of having called myself a 'Christian' my entire life. When I was 8 or 9 I found the Lord's prayer in an old book and I learnt it off by heart. When I was 11 I 'prayed the prayer' to give my life to Jesus. I think I always knew that there was something more but I was always quite happy to stay in my little safe Christian bubble. When I was 15 I got baptised. My public declaration of my love for Jesus, God, Father, Son. At this time in my life I was hearing messages from God and sharing them at my youth group. I was starting to develop a prophecy gift which God has blessed me with. I was using all of these skills and talents that God had given me to bless others but avoiding letting God speak to me through these gifts. In the past few years I have been seeing pictures in my mind during worship. The type that suddenly appear and disappear just as quickly, ones which I trust are from God but until I test them out I can never be sure. More recently, however, I have received a picture and then felt a tugging sense of 'this one is for you'. I cannot describe the way I feel in that moment. So I have been writing these down on a notes app in my phone and not doing anything with them. I have also started to write down my dreams. For a few years I have listened to a few of my mum's dreams and been able to interpret what it could mean. As I seek to deepen my relationship with God I have been trying to use this gift/skill on my own dreams, for my own benefit. God blessed me with a gift to bless myself and not only others. I have found that God really does want to speak to me too. One of the things I noticed as I watched and listened to John Wimber was at the moments where I paused the video to give into a distraction, I forgot all about the amazing message I had been hearing. I remembered that I needed to get back to the video to finish watching it but it was only when I clicked play that I got back into the swing of listening and remembering that God was talking to me in an amazing way. I think our relationship with God can be a bit like this. When we get out of the habit of working on that relationship (in this case, getting distracted from watching the video) we forget how amazing it is to be in a relationship with God and we start to view it as a chore which is very time-consuming. However, when we get back into the swing of things we realise just what we had forgotten we'd been missing out on (having an amazing, awesome, refreshing, positively challenging time with God). I have always viewed prayer, when I'm not doing it, as something that can go on for so long and be a bit of a bore. Even though I knew and had experienced countless times that, in reality, prayer is so beneficial, so refreshing, so real. God connects to us on a deeper level when we ask Him to because He's there waiting for us to make that decision ourselves. Our free will is such a precious thing that God has given us because it enables Christianity to be a relationship with God rather than a forced cult. When you need to fill a cup with sand, ping pong balls and marbles there is a specific order that you must do it in. If you were to pour in the sand or the marbles first then the ping pong balls would not fit. And there's always room after the pingpong, balls, sand, for a few beers with friends!

It's the same with God. We must first fill our hearts with Him, then other people, and then things. That way there is always space for God in your heart. He's the best help you can get in any situation.

PODCAST BY JOHN WIMBER:

My First Week as an Intern

Okay, I'm not too sure how to describe how I feel about this week, but it's definitely positive! I saw a post recently which gives names and explanations to emotions that you didn't know had a name. But these were all negative so that'll be no help for me this week. As it was a bank holiday this Monday, I started on Tuesday. I had a fairly busy day with a LOT of information to write down and digest over the next few days. I've had fun this week getting to know different aspects of the organisation and I'm amazed at how many things run on top of the standard 'Sunday Morning Gathering'. God's definitely been challenging me with some choices already, one of which I was lost for how to do even though I knew the right decision and wanted to go for it. And lo and behold a couple of days ago He handed an answer to me on a plate. God is good!
Today I've been in the office preparing a few things for Sunday morning, networking with some people within the church and looking at some personal discipleship. I'm about 10 minutes into a video entitled 'John Wimber Signs Wonders1985 1/12 (Personal Pilgrimage)". It's on YouTube if you'd like to have a listen. Already some thing that has been on my heart recently is cropping up in the video. The difference between "Christians" and those who have a relationship with God. In the next few weeks I hope to have gotten my head around some of the challenges and questions I'm sure this video will present and I plan on writing a bit of a post about what I've learnt from it and what I've found interesting. A quote from the video that is already ringing in my head is that the 'study of scripture' should directly 'affect our behaviour' otherwise it was pointless study. This is quite the sweeping statement to make but it has a very valid point that when we read the scripture our hearts long for things that God longs for and this should, in theory, change our behaviour in some way.

A question to ask yourself as much as possible over the weekend: What would Jesus do? And if you don't know then look it up, the Bible is there for you to use in times of uncertainty as well as every day life.