So, I did it. I moved out. ...sort of.
Following a new job position, I have packed up and moved homes to a different town during the week. From Sunday night to Friday afternoon every week I will be at my new home, whilst coming back to see my family at weekends.
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| Image source: Google |
If you were to tell me 5 years ago that this was coming I'd have run into my mummy's arms screaming 'please don't let me go!' In fact, if you'd have told me this 6 months ago I'm not sure that my reaction would have been too dissimilar from that! But still, here I am.
When I ponder how I ended up here, it's a pretty amazing story* (see the end of the post for the details). If you don't fancy reading the ins and outs of my 'adventurous' life then trust me when I say that so many loose ends have fused together this summer in an explosion of love, faith, and excitement!
Not only has there been a BIG move in terms of accommodation, town, and job, there has also been a BIG move of God in my heart and mind. I've felt so much peace, entirely God-given, and I feel so blessed to be able to enjoy this season after a few seasons of disappointment and grieving.
I have taken that leap of faith so now I am reaping the rewards and it's such a beautiful process. If you find yourself right now in a season of doubt, distress, and fear - fear not! For He is with you, He is laying the path out ahead of you. In fact, the path is already laid, slowly and bit-by-bit He is illuminating that path to you. Do you have the courage to take the next step?
NEVER let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. What's keeping you from playing the game?
Take it to God, ask Him for help, ask Him for the specifics! He's waiting to give you what you need, and He loves to hear you speak to Him. No prayer is silly! I prayed with my parents that I wouldn't see a spider when looking around my new home and bedroom last week. Lo and behold I saw no spiders, and my first 36 hours here were spider free! When one joined me at work today, I was totally cool with it and let him sit on the beam next to me all day! If that's not a God-given peace then I don't know what is! Keep on asking and keep on trusting! Keep the faith. You can do this; He loves and cares for you.
Here's to many happy memories and encouraging challenges and so much joy!
* the ever-so-slightly-longer-and-more-explanatory story:
Born
Started going to summer kids camps every year as a leader's child
Got a sister
Went to nursery
Moved house
Started school
Attended Girl's Brigade
Went to church
Became house captain in year 6
Went as a youth to the summer kids camp, in my own dorm
Started secondary school
Moved church
Started youth group
Helped out with school community production/panto (4 years running)
Started doing more talks at youth group
Ran a charity campaign at school resulting in a 1000 balloon launch
Spoke in assemblies at school
Got baptised
Took my GCSEs
Got a piece of art selected for exhibition
Became an older junior youth leader (helping to run clubs)
Took my A-levels
Ran a summer youth camp (4 day event)
Became deputy community captain
Ran the community panto show set design!
A year-long internship: kids and youth work
Ran another summer youth event (one whole day)
Started up monthly youth worship nights (June 2016 onwards)
Approached by my new work place
Moved out
Started my new job
My new job includes: running after-school clubs, running assemblies, youth mentoring, preparing Christmas panto (inc. set design), planning and being a leader at the summer kids camp (week long), doing prayer spaces in schools (arty space + prayer).
If you have a look at what I've done and what I'm now doing, you'll see that so many of my skills and so much of my experience is being utilised this year and for that I am so excited! There's so much more I could mention too; many more of my interests and hobbies come into play in my job for this academic year.
Yay!
Be blessed,
Amy xo
Have you ever felt that gut-wrenching sickness after receiving a result that you didn't want?
I have.
The time I got my theory test back as a fail.
The time I was awarded 365 UMS in my media A-Level, after being promised more marks than I got, to find out that I needed 366 to reach the next grade up.
The time I didn't get captain of my secondary school 'house'.
I'm guessing that some of these experiences resound in your memories. Those feelings of sickness swirl around your head and stomach. And in those moments what is it that you hold onto?
I feel my faith, grab a whole lot of trust, and remind myself that it will all be okay.
That is, of course, after having a major toddler-tantrum, an "it's not fair" moment and a big cry.
"...the Lord is trustworthy..."
- 2 Thessalonians 3:3
See, something that I battle with every single day is waking up with a condition that I didn't ask for, that I didn't want and that, some days, I really don't feel strong enough to cope with.
It's a condition that is there and that, for now, isn't leaving me alone. I've had to learn to make the best out of an unwelcome situation but that doesn't always make it easier. A little reminder that never fails to give me peace when I inhale the solid promise behind the words is:
"...and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him..."
- Romans 8:28
When I find peace in a situation, it is only then that I find I'm able to pour love out over people. Practically where do I go when I feel that deep, aching loss?
I scream, I cry, I long for a different outcome,
I remember that my God is bigger,
I trust that He knows what He is doing,
and then I keep on trying to love people.
Sometimes it's the hardest thing to do to love the person who took something away from you, stole your award, stole your title, marked your paper low, taught you badly. And that doesn't get easier with time and practice. We do, however, have the God who is love on our side, cheering us on to love the world and the people in it.
So have faith, trust God, and sprinkle love everywhere that you go today, tomorrow, and always!
Amy xo
It's been 1 year, 11 months and 11 days since my grandma left for heaven, or 712 days. That makes it 786 days since cancer took my uncle up to heaven too.
It's been 280 days since my friends left for uni.
And 277 days have passed since my sister left for college.
That's a lot of loss in very little time.
The word 'cancer' doesn't prepare you for the loss that is coming. The many assemblies for your friends who are off to uni don't prepare those who are left behind for the loss they are about to feel. Nothing prepares you for your sister moving out, the person who knows the good and the ugly, the perfect and the rubbish - gone.
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| Picture source: Google |
I can always trust AA Milne to sum things up just right. After experiencing all of that loss I still knew how lucky I was to have such things to be sad about. My eyes were exposed to seeing a little more of life, my mind started to understand... we all lose things. I'm not talking keys and phone (speaking of which, where's my purse...?). I'm talking about those things that trigger an emotion deep inside of you. Those moments that leave you unable to breathe for crying or unable to breathe for punching a wall really hard. But they're not just moments. They're part of your story, part of your journey. A 'bump in the road' a 'change in the direction of the wind'.
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| Image source: Google |
It physically pains me to know that there are many, many people in this world going through many, many hard things. No one has 'the perfect life' but everyone has an aching desire for one because we were built for greater things, we were built for Heaven.
How cliché it would be to tell you that if you cry yourself to sleep every night, you're not alone. That if you haven't cried in months but you're never happy, you're not alone. If you find things easy but feel hurt that people around you are struggling, you're not alone.
I'm going to go one step further into the depths of cliché phrases and tell you that it's also really good to talk about those things. Like really, really good!
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| Image source: Google |
A good friend recently high-lighted to me that people find it easy to talk about how they've struggled after it's happened and usually once they're in a different place. This is too true and it explains why I haven't spoken about anything sooner.
I've been suffering recently with lots of things. In the last 2 years I've taken on too much, especially considering I've lost a lot of my support and foundation.
This past week just gone I was house-sitting whilst mum and dad were in France and Becca was at college and it was one of the hardest things I've done and it came at one of the hardest times. The feelings of isolation that I had already been feeling were magnified by living alone. The feelings of fear that I was trying not to let surface were magnified by being alone. The stresses of every day life were magnified by not having someone to talk to.
I ended up in a web of difficult thoughts and negativity. A web of over-thinking and a web of over-powering lies that I was convincing myself were true. It was far from fun. Not myself, needing a lot of help.
Then I found a group of people who I could start to open up about these things to. Some people that not only did I trust but that I knew wouldn't be burdened by my problems. These people are fighting their own battles and, in most cases, each one of my struggles is shared with at least one of these friends. We've made the decision to keep talking to each other and to keep supporting each other.
The worst thing for me when I'm drowning in struggles and stress is for the people around me to be 'perfectly fine'. I thrive on helping people and if everyone around me is telling me that they're okay, then I find myself pushing them away one by one. No longer feeling as connected to them as I once was. Just feeling a burden and not a support. Feeling useless.
I'm not quite out of the woods but I feel so much lighter having been able to share my burden with some brilliant people in recent days.
Thank you Jesus for some amazing friendships that have grown out of the ashes.
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| Image source: Google |
There's some food for thought and if you're struggling then please, please talk to someone that will listen and support you!
I'd like to leave you with this:
God doesn't put us through hard times; it's the evil in the world that makes tough times inevitable. But God does use all of the rubbish we experience and turn it positively, over-poweringly for our good <3
Lots of love,
Amy xo
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| Picture source: Google |
Recently I've discovered that I have a big passion for adventure! A huge longing to explore new things, new places, new skills, new people.
It explains why, when sat at the job centre last Monday morning, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. There are so many things that I love doing and so many things that I have the skills to do. Sometimes these don't cross over, at least not for now, and that's more than okay. So I've spent the last week sorting out and discovering what I love and what I'm good at. With there being so many options, I don't want to end up stuck in once place forever, doing the same thing day in and day out. Every day of my life is destined to be an adventure.
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| Picture source: Google |
It turns out that I love travelling. It's not something that I've never thought about in such depth before but it's definitely something that I love. From my trip to Mexico to build a house, to visiting my grandparents in France, to spending the day exploring new parts of a familiar beach - I love it all.
Just a few days ago a special friend took me out to London for an adventure to celebrate my birthday. All I knew was that I was to be at the station for 9.15am and that I needed to pack the usual items for the good old British weather - suncream, sunglasses, a raincoat - you get the idea.
We've always joked about finding a boat train after one of our friends accidentally exclaimed 'all aboard the boat train' instead of 'all aboard the banter train'. My first surprise of the day was travelling by boat to our next destination. It truly was a boat train through the centre of London! What more could a girl want?! We enjoyed a sunny picnic in the middle of Hyde Park - that was the next part of the surprise! And laughed in the pouring rain. What's amazing about adventures like this is that you just have no care in the world about the small things - the water-logged shoes, the soaking wet hair, the lack of sunshine. None of it matters because what matters most is the adventure being experienced with someone you love by your side.
So no matter where I end up and what I end up doing, I pray that it's full of adventure. I want to leave a sparkle wherever I go and I want to go to many places, whilst always having somewhere to call home, some people to call friends, and Jesus by my side.
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| Picture source: Google |
That's all for now,
Who knows what's coming around the bend!?
Amy xo
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| Image Source: Google |
Sometimes it takes a small, enjoyable step to love someone. To give a hug, to share a smile.
When you've been hurt, though, it's not so easy, not so enjoyable.
L O V E
1. A strong feeling of affection
2. A great interest (and pleasure) in something
Sometimes there is little pleasure in it. Sometimes it becomes unbearable. They've hurt you, they've done it before, and now they've done it again. You tell yourself that they'll continue to do so. And why wouldn't they? They are still the same person.
Here's a thought: What if you're not the same person anymore?
The ability to love the lost and the hurt, at first, seems more than possible. I'm sure you could ask any number of people if they feel compassion towards people less fortunate and many will say 'yes'.
Everyone that has hurt you, that does hurt you, that will hurt you... they're fighting similar battles. Battling feelings of isolation, a lack of belonging, suffering in a love-draught.
s y n o n y m s o f l o v e :
friendship
involvement
enjoyment
tenderness
respect
passion
emotion
devotion
Love goes so much deeper than any of these words. Love doesn't have to be a friendship, Love doesn't have to be easy, Love doesn't have to mean contact.
a n t o n y m s o f l o v e :
hate
dislike
disloyalty
sorrow
unhappiness
misery
neglect
ill will
Perhaps you felt those words as you read them. Perhaps you've felt that someone close to you was disloyal, someone who you trusted neglected you, someone caused you unforgettable misery.
You need Love as much as they need Love. Forgiveness doesn't come easy; it's a love thing. Deeply know that you are forgiven by Love and you can forgive.
Acknowledging that Love plays a vital part in a restoration of an enjoyable life is key.
Living that out isn't always easy, but it certainly gives you a light weight to carry. A weight that doesn't exist because Love carries it.
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. Love never ends."
I've had my share of evolving friendships, abandonment, rejection, corrupted relationships ever since I was small. But I refuse to wear those labels. I refuse to let the people that hurt me before taint me now. I stood strong knowing my identity in Jesus, in Love. And do you know what? Most of those friends, people who were vessels of hurt for me, I still love them. I've become the listener in my relationship with them. I share the most about me with those I choose to do so with. But I choose to be someone that anyone can share the most about themselves with.
I'm not the same person as I was before I was hurt; I get my strength from Love.
I wear labels of 'loved' and 'lover'. It is because I am loved, by Love Himself, that I can love and that I do love.
You are loved.
Say 'yes' to being loved, to being a lover. It's really worth it. A life in love is a life worth living. It takes courage. When you love in courage you are set free. When you encourage someone out of a darker place and into a lighter one, you are loving them. Love is light, in both senses of the word.
Love,
Amy xo
Imagine an ideal world; a perfect place.
What does yours look like? A collection of beautiful waterfalls winding through a peaceful planet... no, perhaps that's too picturesque. Is it loud or is it quiet? Is it bright or is it plain?
We all have places where our mind aspires for us to be. Be that your own ideal world, or your favourite place already on earth with your favourite person.
H O P E
1. A feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.
2. A feeling of trust.
3. Want something to happen or be the case.
In essence, 'hope' is quite a big word with not very many letters and only one syllable. 'Hope' encompasses the desires of our hearts.
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'Hope' brings new beginnings and new light into a place of seemingly-eternal darkness.
"HOPE: Remains upbeat - Ignores doubters - Is future focussed - Stares down discouragement - Survives obstacles - Inspires others"
- Brian Houston
If hope is all you've got, hold onto it like an anchor, because it can take you to positive places that you never expected you'd get to.
Amy xo
Afternoon!
Some of you may know that I'll be starting an internship with a local church this year. The church is not one that I am currently a member at but one which I will be working with for a year to gain experience within a church and work on my relationship with God at the same time.
This year has been a busy one for me and a crazy journey with God. I sung true the words 'Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour'. And God certainly gave me so many opportunities this year to put my trust in Him. It's been so exciting! And it's far from over.
One thing that I hope to write about soon is Fortify. An event God called myself and 3 friends to put together with the help of many for which we are so grateful. The youth and adults that attended this event have had such close experiences with God that many of their lives have been changed! Our God is an awesome God!
From now on I should be posting a little more often. As part of my intern year I will be watching podcasts and reading books. Both of which I will be reviewing. So in addition to some life-style posts I'll be writing a bit about the inspiring things I've been reading and watching.
Today I went out to choose a diary and journal which mum and dad kindly bought me as a 'welcome to work' present. I was very excited to write my first few meetings into the diary and I'm looking forward to writing about my first day on Tuesday.
My first day at my internship also coincides with the day I'm planning to release my videos about Human Trafficking onto YouTube. Unfortunately I will only be able to post one of the videos because the other video has too many kids in whom I do not have permission from their parents to release to the public. However, the video I am releasing is still one to get excited about. It's a very deep video with an important message; it's addressing an issue I feel Christians and non-Christians alike should be working to reduce.
That's all for now,
See ya soon and God bless,
Amy
My new diary and journal... :)
