Self Care

"Self care can be about putting yourself out to look out for yourself."

Last night, at 2.19am on New Year's Day, I lay in bed ready to sleep for so many hours. As I tried to fall asleep, though, I noticed that I was ever so slightly too cold. Warm enough that I could easily fall asleep but cool enough that if the temperature stayed that way most of the night I could be waking up in a lot of pain. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome: Hypermobility Type (in simple terms, my muscles have to work very hard to keep my joints in place where my ligaments don't do a great job) and I get quite cold very easily. When my body is cold, my already over-worked, tired muscles tense up. Usually this leads to knots and nerve pain. So, you get the equation: cold body + tired muscles = tense tired muscles = pain. Sometimes that pain lasts a day, other times it lasts weeks and months (or until I get a massage)!  So, laying in bed that night I had two options: 1 - lay there and continue to fall asleep, knowing that I might wake up with pain that lasts a couple of weeks, or 2 - pull myself out of bed, set up my heated blanket and then get comfortable again. At the time option 1 was the easiest option going. I was already comfy, I didn't feel uncomfortably cold, and both my brain and body were ready to drift off to sleep instantaneously - my chronic fatigue craved all the sleep I could get. But I chose option 2. I chose self care. I didn't choose to give myself what I wanted in the moment: to drift straight off to sleep. I chose to give myself what I needed: warmth, better quality sleep and less pain. To achieve this, I had to get out of bed (despite my sleepy head's protest) and be intentional about caring for myself.

This concept is still inspiring me. Self care can be about putting yourself out to look out for yourself. If I knew of a small act of kindness I could do for someone that would improve their day, week or month, I'd probably jump at the chance. But when it comes to acts of kindness for myself, I'm not too certain I'd be as eager to put myself out in order to put myself first. I deserve to be looked after, especially by myself. And you deserve to be looked after by you too. 
This year, 2019, I want to be more intentional about caring for myself. Sometimes that means making decisions based on what I need and not what I want. Sometimes that means making decisions based on what I want and not what others want of me. All of the time it's about enabling me to be the best me because a me that's caring for herself is a me that's ready to be there when others need her and a me that's ready to be there for herself too.


What are you wanting to be intentional about this year?
Amy xo

 

View this post on Instagram

take care of yourself 🖤 - - - . #printandpattern #printsforsale #instadaily #etsylent #etsy #etsyuk #selfcare #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #instagood #picoftheday #typography #follow #me #graphicdesign #design #illustration #illustrator #illustratorsoninstagram #illustrationartist #selflove

A post shared by Katie🌷 (@katie_illustrated) on Dec 30, 2018 at 1:42am PST

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Storage Almost Full

Picture from Google

Have you ever seen this warning message? If you're an Android user, it's likely you've seen various other messages; 'insufficient storage available', 'storage space running low', 'low on space', etc.

If you have seen this message more than a few times it's perhaps likely that you're like me. You hold onto photos and videos too long before moving them to the cloud or Dropbox, and/or you have apps on your phone that are barely used but 'might come in handy one day'. I also like my music, as much as I can fit is downloaded onto my phone.

When I see this message pop up I click 'done' every time. Rarely have I clicked 'settings' and got to the root of the problem. But then my phone starts freezing on the unlock screen and I panic each time that maybe, just maybe, I've pushed my little phone too far. When it unfreezes and I get in to read my messages I sigh a sigh of relief. But I don't delete those photos I've been meaning to delete because, for now at least, my phone is still functioning - albeit not at it's best.

I began to notice a few months ago that I was treating my body much the same; holding onto things that I could let go of. If you've not read my previous posts and don't know much about me, I'll sum it up for you: I live in one beautiful town during the week with a lovely couple, a puppy, and a tortoise (he's my roommate). At the weekends I return to the town where I grew up to spend time with my family and friends. In my 'spare time' I am known for running monthly worship events and summer camps, organising fundraising activities for Mexico, and getting groups of people together for a drink or two.  

"If anyone serves they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Christ Jesus." 1 Peter 4:11

"With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of" Ephesians 3:20

These are dangerous verses. Mostly because they are true - we have God on our side and we can do more than we could ever imagine through His strength. Great. Amazing. But when your workload becomes 'superhuman' and you just about get through each day knowing that you can sleep many hours that night, it's not sustainable.

I recently re-evaluated, following a bad few months health-wise, all that I was doing in my 'spare time' and what 'spare time' I actually had. See, in the summer these 'spare time' activities arose because 1. I had no job and 2. I wanted to spend time with my friends before we all separated in September. I had spare time to spend in abundance! Fast forward to December... I have a job that I love (9-4 Monday - Thursday) which, with my health as it stands, equates to a normal person's 9-5 Monday - Friday. I'm living with a new family who I'm loving getting to know. I'm going home at weekends to spend precious time with my family. A non-busy weekend day in my life might look a bit like this at the moment: a few hours at church, cooking lunch with my dad, creating a poster with mum for a campaign, seeing some friends at their new house - cooking them dinner and playing games all evening. When I told a friend that that was my chilled day he was shocked. *ping* 'storage almost full' ignored again.

I'm in the process of learning what it's like to be not-busy and stay not-busy. When I first began to get not-busy I filled it with seeing people that I otherwise wouldn't have had time to see. Then I became busy again but busy with new and exciting things. Note to self: must keep trying to stay 'not-busy' for a while.

You might be pleased to know that I have released the monthly worship nights into the hands of a great team of youth leaders and my almighty God. Because "He who has started a good work is faithful and just to complete it" (ref. Philippians 1:6). This was not a decision that I took lightly because I really didn't want to let go but my storage is almost full so I had to hit 'delete'. I'll still visit and play a part from a distance, but a part that isn't taking up storage space in my life. I have also passed the Mexico fundraising baton to the other leaders whilst they run their part in the team race. Another app deleted.

In essence, I have hit 'factory data reset' - leaving only the vital apps in tact. First, I'll get to know my body in this state. Then I'll look at downloading a new app or two into my life. For now I'm in no rush.

"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads. I will give you rest. Accept my work and learn from me. I am gentle and humble in spirit. And you will find rest for your souls. The work that I ask you to accept is easy. The load I give you to carry is not heavy." Matthew 11:28-30

So, this month, I'm focussing on:

- Family

- Friendships

- God as my first love

- Work

- Colleagues

- Strengthening my body physically to overcome my disability

Out with the old stuff and in with the new nothing!

Cool,

Cheers for reading!

Amy xo

The Adventures of 2016...

At the start of the year I wrote myself an adventure list. I started out with 7 items on my list, leaving room for a couple of spontaneous things to add throughout the year. Here's what I started with, nothing too fancy:

- Drive to nowhere in particular

- Make waffles

- Go camping lots

- Go to Mexico

- Spontaneous holiday

- Build a snowman

- Climb a tree

I quickly ticked make waffles off the list, more than once! 

In Easter, we made it to Mexico!

By May we were camping again! This time, at BCDO!

Then the Summer came and I could add a couple of things to my list...

Swim in a lake!

... and swim in the sea at midnight!

A couple of months passed before I spent an evening with Beverley driving to nowhere in particular!

It reached NYE before I could tick off climb a tree and build a snowman!

I may have cheated the system slightly by only climbing a foot and a half because 'the tree was slimy' and by using artificial snow for my snowman (we got no snow this year!) but it was fun none the less.

I have half-stamped spontaneous holiday. Here are a few of the lovely things that almost qualified for the title!

A surprise day trip to London thanks to Emma!!

A spontaneous trip to the beach to chase a rainbow!

A roadtrip or three to Essex!

A few days in Liverpool!

and a sudden Christmas in France!

All in all it's been a rocky year but one full of great memories!

Here's to the adventures of 2017! Amy xo

New Year's Eve

Last night, on 'new year's eve, eve,' I had a Bridget Jone's moment. A desire to clear everything out and start fresh. Followed by a realisation that my life is far from perfect and my attempts to try to make it better will not ever go as planned. Just to jog your memory, here are Bridget's resolutions at the start of the film...

Bridget Jone's Diary Script

... and those that have seen the film will know exactly how all of that went for her! Nevertheless, she had goals and hopes and, most importantly, she was real with herself when things didn't go to plan and she changed her resolutions accordingly throughout the film. I don't do 'resolutions' at the start of each year. I begin each year with an 'adventure list'. I'll add and change the adventure list throughout the year because what are adventures worth if some of them aren't spontaneous! But today I do want to be sorting things out. Talking to friends, spending time with my family, tidying and sorting my room, looking through old memories, and welcoming in the new year! There aren't many days in the year that I get to feel like the determined Bridget Jone's at the start of her film. So here it goes... See you on the other side, Amy xo

How To Fly The Nest

Image Source: Google

'T o   F l y   T h e   N e s t' - (Of a young bird) leave its nest on becoming able to fly. 1.1 informal (Of a young person) leave their parents' home to set up home elsewhere.

Having moved out almost a month ago, I've gained some fresh wisdom on leaving the nest. It's an adventurous task and one I chose to see as something really positive. I'm writing out some of my experiences in this post partly for your benefit but mostly for mine - so that I can look back and show my kids what I was up to! 
P a c k i n g: I began scribbling down a list of things I needed to pack just a few days before I left. Once I'd 'finished' the list I went to bed and woke up with 20,000 more items I'd forgotten to write down! It was a weird process deciding what I would need and realising how much stuff I use throughout the week. It was also the perfect opportunity to leave, at home, the stuff that I didn't use all that often, making my new room so much less crowded and easier to tidy! I packed my stuff into beautiful boxes which have become my storage in my new room. Eliminating the idea of 'living out of a suitcase' for a year!

T h e   M o v i n g   I n   D a y / W e e k: I met my host family on the Thursday, moved in on the Sunday, and started work on the Monday. I really had no time to panic, I had jumped in at the deep end and started to swim. All that was new was an adventure for me! Everything that got thrown at me that would usually make me panic, I chose to see as a new adventure: an opportunity to embrace something new. I chose to get excited and rejected worry; I was leaning fully on God.
This first week started very differently to my first week at my internship last year. This year I knew who I was and I went straight in as myself, not as shy as before because I know that God has chosen this place and season just for me. Last year I was constantly scared of not being 'liked' or 'accepted' that I cowered away so only a select few got to know me. I've learnt that that doesn't allow freedom to reign. So this year is a whole new ball game.
E n j o y i n g   T h e   R i d e: Two weeks were spent 'enjoying the ride': I made new friends, met loads of exciting and influential people, realised amazing connections, and embraced new activities. I tried a bit of an assembly ready for my first 'full assembly' in my third week. I got stuck in with after-school clubs and loved helping S in the office with the admin and organisation side of the charity. Totally content with the blissful journey I was on, I felt at 'home' already. 
(M e e t i n g)   K e y   P e o p l e:
You hear all of the time that a big life change shows you who your true friends are... But what if a big life change brings you key people? I'm still back in my 'hometown' every weekend seeing my good friends and making great memories. I have made use of the internet and kept in touch with so many friends. But I've also been blessed with some key people in my new town who are keeping me grounded. Big life changes don't eliminate friends, they add new ones!
A   S p a n n e r   I n   T h e   W o r k s:
Week three and four have thrown various things at me. My adrenaline levels have dropped causing the re-introduction of my high levels of fatigue and pain. I've visited the doctor about a problem that has progressed in my knee and been referred for an MRI. My amazing host family and I have come to the joint decision that it isn't right for me to stay here for now, so I will be moving out this weekend.

M o r e   A d v e n t u r e   A w a i t s:
Never a dull moment, I now have more adventures to get excited about!
* I'll be moving in with a colleague on Sunday night *
She is brilliant, has a lovely husband, a gorgeous dog, and a chilled out tortoise. I'll be staying there for a few weeks until somewhere more permanent is found for me.
* I'll be starting a course on youth mentoring *
* I'll be doing more assemblies with new people *
* We will start planning the Christmas Panto *
That's all for now!  A few ramblings about month number 1 in a new town,

Amy xo

A Year for Adventure and Discovery!

// 2016 // is here and I am so excited!  I'm excited for the adventures we will all stumble across, the opportunities we will embrace, the journeys we will travel. I'm excited for the paths which will cross, the connections that will be made, and the love that will be felt! Ah!
How do you feel about 'New Year Resolutions'? They are popular tradition in the UK: setting fresh new goals with the 'clean slate' that a new year brings.  I'm not too keen. The past few years I have set 'learn to play guitar' as one of my resolutions, and never succeeded. In 2015 I didn't set any goals, and on September, 27, 2015 I started to learn guitar. I could play over 20 songs before the year was up. Ironic, really.
So, rather than set yourself up for failure, why not get creative? This year my idea is to have an Adventure List. Some things already on my list are: || Hire a metal detector and use it on a beach || Go on a road trip || Walk to nowhere in particular || I'm thinking of creating a tab here on this site for my Adventure List. At the moment the list is very short. I don't want to overwhelm myself.
What are some of the things you'd like to do in 2016? Comment below, I'd love to know! Maybe I'd even like to do the same!
I've added my Instagram feed to the side of my blog, I've sort of started blogging on there too, adventure memories!
Happy New Year!
God bless, Amy