As part of my intern year I am being given a variety of podcasts to watch and books to read. I completed watching my first podcast this morning.
The title of the message was 'Personal Pilgrimage'. My initial reaction to the title, coupled with being from 1985 when video quality was questionable, was that of 'oh dear, what have I gotten myself into?'
Little did I know that from the message would come notes, thoughts and a song which would shape my life in some way.
The preacher, John Wimber, has a very interesting testimony to tell. In brief, he grew up with little or no connection to the church whatsoever. One evening he found God when he prayed out to Him about a situation with his wife, and God responded instantly. This planted a seed for John that God was real and wanted to work in John's life to make it a better place to live. John speaks about various incidents that happen as a result of finding Jesus away from the church. He doesn't know about the Bible, he doesn't know why people speak the way they do at church, he didn't even know that when he asked God for help that it was called 'prayer'.
The most intriguing part of his testimony, for me, is that he found God on his own. It was a personal thing straight away. So often kids are brought up in churches learning about Jesus, about God, being talked at about Noah and his arc, Jonah and his whale (or 'big fish'), Adam and Eve. But they aren't brought up knowing about GRACE, about God's personal relationship with them. They are told that they are unique but they're not told that their relationship with God is unique also.
These are quite sweeping statements, I admit. I have visited churches where it is quite the opposite. Where small children are hearing messages from God that are for their friends. We speak so much about having a child-like faith, yet lots of churches fail to fuel that faith in children.
I speak from the experience of having called myself a 'Christian' my entire life. When I was 8 or 9 I found the Lord's prayer in an old book and I learnt it off by heart. When I was 11 I 'prayed the prayer' to give my life to Jesus. I think I always knew that there was something more but I was always quite happy to stay in my little safe Christian bubble. When I was 15 I got baptised. My public declaration of my love for Jesus, God, Father, Son. At this time in my life I was hearing messages from God and sharing them at my youth group. I was starting to develop a prophecy gift which God has blessed me with. I was using all of these skills and talents that God had given me to bless others but avoiding letting God speak to me through these gifts.
In the past few years I have been seeing pictures in my mind during worship. The type that suddenly appear and disappear just as quickly, ones which I trust are from God but until I test them out I can never be sure. More recently, however, I have received a picture and then felt a tugging sense of 'this one is for you'. I cannot describe the way I feel in that moment. So I have been writing these down on a notes app in my phone and not doing anything with them. I have also started to write down my dreams. For a few years I have listened to a few of my mum's dreams and been able to interpret what it could mean. As I seek to deepen my relationship with God I have been trying to use this gift/skill on my own dreams, for my own benefit. God blessed me with a gift to bless myself and not only others. I have found that God really does want to speak to me too.
One of the things I noticed as I watched and listened to John Wimber was at the moments where I paused the video to give into a distraction, I forgot all about the amazing message I had been hearing. I remembered that I needed to get back to the video to finish watching it but it was only when I clicked play that I got back into the swing of listening and remembering that God was talking to me in an amazing way. I think our relationship with God can be a bit like this. When we get out of the habit of working on that relationship (in this case, getting distracted from watching the video) we forget how amazing it is to be in a relationship with God and we start to view it as a chore which is very time-consuming. However, when we get back into the swing of things we realise just what we had forgotten we'd been missing out on (having an amazing, awesome, refreshing, positively challenging time with God).
I have always viewed prayer, when I'm not doing it, as something that can go on for so long and be a bit of a bore. Even though I knew and had experienced countless times that, in reality, prayer is so beneficial, so refreshing, so real. God connects to us on a deeper level when we ask Him to because He's there waiting for us to make that decision ourselves. Our free will is such a precious thing that God has given us because it enables Christianity to be a relationship with God rather than a forced cult.
When you need to fill a cup with sand, ping pong balls and marbles there is a specific order that you must do it in. If you were to pour in the sand or the marbles first then the ping pong balls would not fit. And there's always room after the pingpong, balls, sand, for a few beers with friends!
It's the same with God. We must first fill our hearts with Him, then other people, and then things. That way there is always space for God in your heart. He's the best help you can get in any situation.
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