I've just finished reading Girl Online On Tour. It's taken less than a day to finish and I loved every second of it. I read a post on Facebook yesterday afternoon, let me see if I can find it for you...
I immediately felt the urge to dig out the book, which I'd put under my bed until I had more time, and started to read. Instantly that feeling of being absorbed in a book came running back to me. I hadn't realised quite how much I'd missed it.
Starting the internship I knew I'd get books to read. What I didn't quite appreciate is how exhausting I would find the content. I began to feel that I'd fallen out of love with reading.
I was so wrong.
Choosing to read, choosing to take time out, choosing to do something for me. None of that comes naturally to me. I'm one of those "can't-say-'no'-to-requests-for-help" kinda people. Do I feel guilty for self-indulging when I still need to do so much in preparation for this weekend? Not really. Do I wish I'd spent my time more wisely? I don't think so.
Truth is, taking some time out to do what I wanted gave me a big reminder of what I love doing. I love reading, I love writing, I love processing, I love creativity. I thrive from creativity. Perhaps that's what I've been missing recently. It's a crucial element of my life that I cut out in an attempt to make room for what needed to be done when actually I just did the opposite.
A big boost for me these past few weeks has been getting together with a couple of close friends to plan some amazing birthday surprises for one of our mutual close friends. Hours spent on Pinterest, Planning, Shopping, Creating. I've been in my element.
Someone once told me that 'you can't truly look after others continually unless you look after yourself'. It's true. And sometimes you can mix them together. The birthday surprises helped me to regain a passion for creativity whilst helping a friend to feel loved and appreciated!
It would seem that true happiness, true joy, comes from a place where you know you're loved and you love yourself.
I know I'm loved by the One. I'm talking the 'one true love' that you think only happens in movies. The One that gives life to your body, the One that loves you no matter what, the One who's only aim is to save you. The One that you can't stop talking about even when you don't realise you're doing it.
We laughed together this Summer. For 2 hours. I literally didn't stop, neither did He. And in that moment I knew that's where I wanted to be. In that moment I took it all in, to remember when times are more difficult. To remember when we're crying, to remember when I'm stressed. You see, He doesn't get stressed, but He understands it. He doesn't hold a grudge, but He waits patiently when I do. He doesn't ever leave my side, He doesn't ever stop protecting me, but He gives me space. He knows me better than I know myself.
I think I want joy to become my favourite emotion. All too often we can fall into a series of feeling sad and receiving some form of love in that sad place and then we feel a little bit better. Bare with me, I'm not too sure where this is going either. At least we got to hear the words 'I love you' even if we did hit rock bottom first. But truly, truly, truly, is that where I want to be? No. I'm so happy to lift people up, to help them out, to hold their hand. For me, I'm a stage where I'm striving for joy. Truth is, it's been there all along, I've just got to let it show.
I saw a video on Facebook of a penguin being tickled and everyone knew for sure that it gave Cookie, the name of the penguin, a moment of joy. I'm a little obsessed with penguins. They make me smile. And here's how to make one of these little fellas happy...
In summary, I want to be more like this penguin. Show my happiness, laugh out loud, and release the chains. Laughter is the best medicine, so I've been told.
"Free as a bird on the wind,
Love cannot be tamed,
You shattered every chain,
Let our praises run wild and free,
The lionheart is alive in me,
Let our freedom and joy begin,
With You we're dancing upon our chains,
With You we're soaring on eagles wings."
In case you were wondering who I'd fallen in love with... His name is Jesus.
