Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

Have you ever felt that gut-wrenching sickness after receiving a result that you didn't want?  I have. The time I got my theory test back as a fail. The time I was awarded 365 UMS in my media A-Level, after being promised more marks than I got, to find out that I needed 366 to reach the next grade up. The time I didn't get captain of my secondary school 'house'.

I'm guessing that some of these experiences resound in your memories. Those feelings of sickness swirl around your head and stomach. And in those moments what is it that you hold onto?  I feel my faith, grab a whole lot of trust, and remind myself that it will all be okay. That is, of course, after having a major toddler-tantrum, an "it's not fair" moment and a big cry. "...the Lord is trustworthy..." - 2 Thessalonians 3:3

See, something that I battle with every single day is waking up with a condition that I didn't ask for, that I didn't want and that, some days, I really don't feel strong enough to cope with. It's a condition that is there and that, for now, isn't leaving me alone. I've had to learn to make the best out of an unwelcome situation but that doesn't always make it easier. A little reminder that never fails to give me peace when I inhale the solid promise behind the words is:
"...and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him..." - Romans 8:28
When I find peace in a situation, it is only then that I find I'm able to pour love out over people. Practically where do I go when I feel that deep, aching loss?
I scream, I cry, I long for a different outcome,
I remember that my God is bigger,
I trust that He knows what He is doing,
and then I keep on trying to love people.
Sometimes it's the hardest thing to do to love the person who took something away from you, stole your award, stole your title, marked your paper low, taught you badly. And that doesn't get easier with time and practice. We do, however, have the God who is love on our side, cheering us on to love the world and the people in it.

So have faith, trust God, and sprinkle love everywhere that you go today, tomorrow, and always!
Amy xo

o v e r p o w e r e d

It's been 1 year, 11 months and 11 days since my grandma left for heaven, or 712 days. That makes it 786 days since cancer took my uncle up to heaven too. It's been 280 days since my friends left for uni.  And 277 days have passed since my sister left for college. That's a lot of loss in very little time.  The word 'cancer' doesn't prepare you for the loss that is coming. The many assemblies for your friends who are off to uni don't prepare those who are left behind for the loss they are about to feel. Nothing prepares you for your sister moving out, the person who knows the good and the ugly, the perfect and the rubbish - gone.

Picture source: Google

I can always trust AA Milne to sum things up just right. After experiencing all of that loss I still knew how lucky I was to have such things to be sad about. My eyes were exposed to seeing a little more of life, my mind started to understand... we all lose things. I'm not talking keys and phone (speaking of which, where's my purse...?). I'm talking about those things that trigger an emotion deep inside of you. Those moments that leave you unable to breathe for crying or unable to breathe for punching a wall really hard. But they're not just moments. They're part of your story, part of your journey. A 'bump in the road' a 'change in the direction of the wind'. 

Image source: Google

It physically pains me to know that there are many, many people in this world going through many, many hard things. No one has 'the perfect life' but everyone has an aching desire for one because we were built for greater things, we were built for Heaven. How cliché it would be to tell you that if you cry yourself to sleep every night, you're not alone. That if you haven't cried in months but you're never happy, you're not alone. If you find things easy but feel hurt that people around you are struggling, you're not alone. I'm going to go one step further into the depths of cliché phrases and tell you that it's also really good to talk about those things. Like really, really good!

Image source: Google

A good friend recently high-lighted to me that people find it easy to talk about how they've struggled after it's happened and usually once they're in a different place. This is too true and it explains why I haven't spoken about anything sooner.  I've been suffering recently with lots of things. In the last 2 years I've taken on too much, especially considering I've lost a lot of my support and foundation.  This past week just gone I was house-sitting whilst mum and dad were in France and Becca was at college and it was one of the hardest things I've done and it came at one of the hardest times. The feelings of isolation that I had already been feeling were magnified by living alone. The feelings of fear that I was trying not to let surface were magnified by being alone. The stresses of every day life were magnified by not having someone to talk to. I ended up in a web of difficult thoughts and negativity. A web of over-thinking and a web of over-powering lies that I was convincing myself were true. It was far from fun. Not myself, needing a lot of help. Then I found a group of people who I could start to open up about these things to. Some people that not only did I trust but that I knew wouldn't be burdened by my problems. These people are fighting their own battles and, in most cases, each one of my struggles is shared with at least one of these friends. We've made the decision to keep talking to each other and to keep supporting each other.
The worst thing for me when I'm drowning in struggles and stress is for the people around me to be 'perfectly fine'. I thrive on helping people and if everyone around me is telling me that they're okay, then I find myself pushing them away one by one. No longer feeling as connected to them as I once was. Just feeling a burden and not a support. Feeling useless. I'm not quite out of the woods but I feel so much lighter having been able to share my burden with some brilliant people in recent days. Thank you Jesus for some amazing friendships that have grown out of the ashes.

Image source: Google

There's some food for thought and if you're struggling then please, please talk to someone that will listen and support you!
I'd like to leave you with this:
God doesn't put us through hard times; it's the evil in the world that makes tough times inevitable. But God does use all of the rubbish we experience and turn it positively, over-poweringly for our good <3
Lots of love,
Amy xo

A Heart For Adventure🛩

Picture source: Google

Recently I've discovered that I have a big passion for adventure! A huge longing to explore new things, new places, new skills, new people.
It explains why, when sat at the job centre last Monday morning, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. There are so many things that I love doing and so many things that I have the skills to do. Sometimes these don't cross over, at least not for now, and that's more than okay. So I've spent the last week sorting out and discovering what I love and what I'm good at. With there being so many options, I don't want to end up stuck in once place forever, doing the same thing day in and day out. Every day of my life is destined to be an adventure.

Picture source: Google

It turns out that I love travelling. It's not something that I've never thought about in such depth before but it's definitely something that I love. From my trip to Mexico to build a house, to visiting my grandparents in France, to spending the day exploring new parts of a familiar beach - I love it all.
Just a few days ago a special friend took me out to London for an adventure to celebrate my birthday. All I knew was that I was to be at the station for 9.15am and that I needed to pack the usual items for the good old British weather - suncream, sunglasses, a raincoat - you get the idea.

We've always joked about finding a boat train after one of our friends accidentally exclaimed 'all aboard the boat train' instead of 'all aboard the banter train'. My first surprise of the day was travelling by boat to our next destination. It truly was a boat train through the centre of London! What more could a girl want?! We enjoyed a sunny picnic in the middle of Hyde Park - that was the next part of the surprise! And laughed in the pouring rain. What's amazing about adventures like this is that you just have no care in the world about the small things - the water-logged shoes, the soaking wet hair, the lack of sunshine. None of it matters because what matters most is the adventure being experienced with someone you love by your side.
So no matter where I end up and what I end up doing, I pray that it's full of adventure. I want to leave a sparkle wherever I go and I want to go to many places, whilst always having somewhere to call home, some people to call friends, and Jesus by my side.

Picture source: Google

That's all for now, Who knows what's coming around the bend!?
Amy xo

When It Doesn't Quite Go To Plan...

You've just walked out of the exam hall. It was awful. You definitely didn't get the grade you needed or wanted. You can't have done. It went so badly. And now you remember the answer to question number 19 that you blanked on. Typical. You tell yourself that you're so utterly awful, dumb, unintelligent and you believe it. It's who you are. Your friend just walked out of the exam hall. It was awful. She definitely didn't get the grade she needed or wanted. She can't have done. It went so badly. And now she remembers the answer to question number 19 that she blanked on. Typical. She's so utterly awful, dumb, unintelligent and she better believe it. It's who she is. I wanna bet that the first scenario felt totally true and feasible whilst in the second scenario you felt a slight twinge of emotion for your friend. Who has the right to call her stupid and put her down? I certainly don't. D'you know Jesus feels the same when we put ourselves down? He sees our mistakes and He loves us all of the time, He sees our grades and He loves us all of the time, He sees all and He loves us all of the time. He sees you, He loves you, and He blesses you with gifts but 'if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will spend it's life thinking it is stupid.' Start looking at what you can do over what society says you should be able to answer in timed conditions on paper.
Just because 60 seconds after 'pens down' you remember the answer to the question, that doesn't mean you didn't know the answer that just means the system decides that you don't know the answer.

Picture from Google

But what actually happens when it doesn't go to plan and you don't get the grades to go to uni or get back into sixth form? God grieves with you. He's devastated that you've seen your dreams and aspirations shatter before your own eyes. What's great about God is, He's always one step ahead! So He has a back up plan because He knew that you would need one but He didn't not tell you because He wanted to keep it from you. He loves you and gave you free will to try things and what would be loving about telling someone who has to sit an exam that they aren't going to do well? Instead He got to work on a new and better plan!
If it doesn't go to plan... 1) Do not worry 2) Talk to God *you're allowed to moan, to be upset, to be angry*. 3) Be thankful for what you do have, what you have achieved, etc. 4) Ask God for stuff. Tell Him your dreams and aspirations, ask for those to become reality. 5) Remember that God knows the plans He has for you and they are loving and prosperous! (Jer.29v11)

Picture from Google

'Petition' means, in this case, 'asking God about a particular part of your life' 'Transcends' means 'goes beyond the range of limits of...'
Have a blessed week and above all remember: You are loved, it's who you are!!!
You're awesome!
Until next time,   Amy xo

Disability is not inability.

Background from Google. Words added.

This is what the world says: To be   b l i n d   means you can't   s e e. To be   d e a f   means you can't   h e a r. To be   m u t e   means you can't   t a l k. To be   p a r a l y s e d   means you can't   m o v e.
This is what I see: L i s t e n   up; being   b l i n d  brings super powers. S e e,  being   d e a f   brings super powers. D a n c e   in celebration; being   m u t e   brings super powers. S h o u t   it out; being   p a r a l y s e d   brings super powers. Some of these super powers have been scientifically proven, some are observations and ramblings. Those who are blind have heightened senses: touch, sound. This is much the same for those who are deaf: with greater sight, smell. Those who are paralysed can shout and do great things. Those who are mute can dance while others sing.
We. Must. Stop. Focussing. On. Our. Limitations. Although there is a big help in rehabilitation, we still need to see the good in every situation.
All of our super powers are different. I'm talking about those who can draw, those who can paint, those who can talk, those who can listen, those who can sing, those who can dance, those who can count, those who we can count on, those who... We can all create. We can all love.
Love yourself.
You're amazing.
You are doing amazing things.
You're achievements and goals are good, they don't compare to the aspirations of other people because they shouldn't be the same. You are not the same. No one is the same.
Realise that everyone is unique. See the good in each of your friends and celebrate milestones with them!
Speak truth. Do not curse a deaf person or put a stumbling block in front of the blind. Instead lift them up and rise with them.
In the same way we shouldn't dismiss young people for their age, let's not cast out old people either.
Take heart, have courage... He's living in you. - Dave Miller

Picture: Google. Lyrics: Dave Miller, Vineyard UK

Here's to living out a Kingdom life of love and encouragement,
Amy xo

Ref: Leviticus 19:14, Psalm 71:9

Mexico Spring 2016 Part 4

Safety barrier!

"Our trip to Mexico was one of the greatest things I will ever do. Building a house for a family less fortunate than yourself really opens your eyes and mind to see what is going on in these areas of the world and it hits your heart when you see the extent of what's going on. I, myself, have come back home and have made a conscious decision not to take anything for granted, from my bed to my phone, as I have seen a society where most people don't have anywhere near what we have."

- Matt Chegwin

We knew the basic assembling of the frames into position was going to take place today! With that in mind, safety barriers made of spare timber and nails were put together. They provided a small amount of protection for us from the 12ft drop that we'd been facing each day so far. Once the frame was up, the most dangerous areas became 'leaders only' zones. A zone that was still deemed safe for all was the sewerage corner. A few youth were 'blessed' with the opportunity to wire and Stucco the wall side closest to the leaking pipes on days 4 and 5.

And the walls went up!

After the walls went up on the afternoon of day three everything else was such a blur! We had just 12 build hours left to completely wire up and Stucco the entire house. One of the really lovely opportunities we had on Thursday morning (build day 4) was to write notes of encouragements on the outsides of the walls before they got covered in Stucco.

Encouraging songs, verses, and notes

I think the best way to sum up the rest of the build is going to be mostly pictures:

Day One | Levelling the site, building the frames and moving concrete from the top of the site to the bottom.
Day Two | Mixing the concrete with cement, water and fibres and laying the slab.
Day Three | Assembling the walls of the house and some of the wiring to hold the frames tight.
Day Four | Writing words of encouragement on the frames, finishing the wiring and papering the walls. We also started the roof.
Day Five | All hands on deck for finishing touches! Finishing the roof, installing the doors and windows and applying 2 coats of Stucco (a cement based mix).

(Summary taken from Sam's website, here)

D a y   3

How many people does it take to saw some pretty wood?

D a y   4

It's starting to look like a house

Upon the roof!

Kings Academy putting a shift in

D a y   5

First coat of Stucco

Door installation

All hands on deck to get the last coat of Stucco applied before the day was up 

Makeshift overflow sewerage draining system with left over rocks

Holly 'The Machine' Grob

K e y   h a n d   o v e r   d a y

Handing over the keys 

Unlocking the door

A feast cooked for us by the family we built for

The completed house!

We experienced an extreme culture shock when we left the emotional roller coaster of Mexico and arrived into excessive consumerism back in California.

We've got so much more that we want to say.

"I didn't know what to expect going to Mexico this Easter. My original reason for going was to support the young people from WBC who had courageously stepped out in faith to serve God through Rebuild Mexico 2016.
Now that we have all returned from the awesome experience (of Mexico Rebuild 2016) I realised that I need to be part of the WBC team who went. The experience, and privilege, of seeing young people facing poverty first hand and working as a team to give a family hope by providing a new home. Who wouldn't want to witness that??? But there was more: to see God at work was a great thing and it had helped to rebuild my own, personal faith which has taken quite a battering over the last couple of years. I have returned from Mexico stronger than when I left and am so glad I took part.
Would I go again? Too right I would! :D The challenge to those reading this blog is would you take part in a Mexico Rebuild trip?????"
- Mike Walters

I imagine we'll post very soon with some more highlights about our trip and the celebration pool party afterwards! For now, though, that is us done! We've loved being able to share some of our stories with you. If you'd like to know more about ReBuild trips, visit the Urban Saints website here.

Thank you again for all of your support,
See you soon.

Mexico Spring 2016 Part 3

"Wait... so these are garden hoes?"

Hello, if you've just joined our Mexico blog posts - Welcome! If you've been following our journey so far - Welcome back!

To read our first Mexico 2016 blog post, click here.

To read our second Mexico 2016 blog post, click here.

"It was such an awesome experience, building a house for a family who needed a safe and secure home... I was able to see how happy people were even if they don't have the basic things in a home or even a proper structure around them. They live life to the full and are so thankful. Seeing a 15 year old boy watch us solidly whilst we built him a house really got to me as he had a smile permanently on his face... It really hit home how grateful and thankful we should be for every bit of detail in our lives... I am changed!"

- Emma Matthews

A local family surrounded us as we stepped out of the bus ready to embark up the big hill to the build site. They were trying to sell us beautiful handmade bracelets, headbands, ponchos, and blankets. Whilst we wanted to give them everything we had, we needed to walk on, leaving them with a few smiles and nothing more. Although the story doesn't end there. The same local family visited us a couple of days later, when we were on a break, and we bought our 'souvenirs' from them, knowing that the money would be supporting their household that week.

The open door of their too-small-for-eight 'house'.

By this, our second day on the build site, we were pretty used to our surroundings - including the animals: the chihuahua puppies in the all-too-small cage, the larger dog held on an all-too-short lead, and the flies that would not leave the entrance of the house alone! Putting our used toilet paper in a bucket so that it didn't go down the baño had become second nature and climbing down the 10ft makeshift 'double ladder' was no longer a challenging task. It was fact: we had settled in.

Just as soon as we were feeling slightly comfortable, Emma and myself (Amy) leapt at an opportunity to experience yet more unknown surroundings. It was time for Kids Club day one.

"Pato, pato, ganso"

As it was the first club of the week there were only a few children around before word got out. This meant that to start with we had more than one volunteer per child. So Emma and I stepped back and chatted to a lady from Amor. She taught us how to ask an older lad, who looked about 15, what school year he was in. Emma tried it out loud a few times before approaching the young boy and asking '?dónde está mi piña?' The confusion on his face scared Emma into asking again, this time she altered the intonation in her question. An even more confused look arose on his face as he realised she actually had asked where her pineapple was the first time. Much to Emma's distress we all found it extremely funny. Emma then learnt how to say sorry and the lady from Amor explained to the boy that she had played a trick on Emma. He laughed along too.

There's so much more to kid's club than we could ever put into words. Each individual child brings a story so precious. A little girl was sat making bracelets with us out of pipe cleaners and plastic animal-shaped beads. She taught us how to say the word for 'hippopotamus' and then threaded one onto her masterpiece. Once she'd finished the bracelet she took my arm and tied it on, signalling for me to keep the present. How amazing it is that we can give so much to children who have so little and they find joy in giving back. It wasn't about material objects for her; it was about making me smile, that's what made her happy. Wow. She really gets it.

They did it! Slab complete.

Upon returning to the build site we found an impressively smooth completed slab and some very tired and happy teammates! Emma and I had been fortunate enough to visit 3 of the 4 other builds which had really shown us how tough everyone's sites were and gave us another boost to keep pushing forward to complete the house in the time we had left.

The post-build discussion swayed towards the Camp Ronald decision. The Camp Ronald (as in Ronald McDonald) dates back to an old mistake made one year on ReBuild involving a lot of hungry kids and an under-staffed McDonald's. Since then Urban Saints have found a Camp Ronald at the end of each ReBuild trip. This year they decided that each build team should nominate someone for this title at the end of every day. Each nominated Ronald then had to play the pie face game. 

Day two's Camp Ronald from King's Furnace was Sam.

Sam's Pie Face.

Sam saw a pile of clothes in his tent and thought that they would make a comfortable seat. Comfortable though the seat may have been, his suitcase below was now broken. Unable to close or zip the suitcase back up he panicked that he wouldn't be able to take anything back home on the plane with him. Classic Ronald.

*Later that week his suitcase was fixed and he didn't have to leave all of his belongings in the Mexican desert*

Day 3 is when the build really came together, and we've got a time lapse video coming your way in the next post. Stay tuned...

To read the next blog post about Mexico, click here.

To read our first Mexico 2016 blog post, click here.
To read our second Mexico 2016 blog post, click here.